A Little Prayer

Dear Lord, So Far Today I Am Doing All Right. I Have Not Gossiped, Lost My Temper, Been Greedy, Grumpy, Nasty, Selfish, Or Self-Indulgent. I Have Not Whined, Bitched, Cursed, Or Eaten Any Chocolate. I Have Not Charged Anything To My Credit Card. However, I Am Going To Get Out Of Bed In A Few Minutes, And I Will Need A Lot More Help After That. Amen.

Leonard: We need to widen our circle.

Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on MySpace.

Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.

Sheldon: That's the beauty of it.

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Penny: I'm a Sagittarius which probably tells you way more than you need to know...

Sheldon:Yes... it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relevant to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.

Penny: Participate in the what?

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Leonard: Sheldon, we have to do this.

Sheldon: No, we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is optional.

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Leonard: Can we hurry up? My chain mail is caught in my underwear!

Sheldon: You're wearing modern underwear?

Leonard: Relatively modern.

[Sheldon shakes his head in annoyance]

Leonard: Why? What are you wearing?

Sheldon: I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.

Leonard: You went and bought linen?

Sheldon: Oh, don't be silly. I borrowed one of your pillow cases.

Leonard: [short pause] Borrowed?!

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Sheldon: Leonard is upstairs right now with my archenemy.

Penny: Your archenemy?

Sheldon: Yes: the Dr. Doom to my Mr. Fantastic, the Dr. Octopus to my Spiderman, the Dr. Sivana to my Captain Marvel...

Penny: OK, I get it, I get it...

Sheldon: You know, it's amazing how many supervillains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.

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Leonard: [to Sheldon, Howard, and Raj, who have come to assist him in getting money that Penny's ex owes her] Now, we all know the plan?

Howard: Yes. Raj will wet his pants, I will throw up, Sheldon will run away, and you will die.

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